Tres Gay Recipe: Five Alarm Fire Chili

You know, you really don’t have to spend a lot of time and money on some frou-frou dinner when you have your friends over. Sometimes, just having a fun meal together is all that’s needed. How about a five alarm where the heck’s the fire chili dinner (ten alarm, looking at this firefighter!). It’s easy, not expensive, and will give you more time to spend with your friends, and not busy in the kitchen, gaily indefatigable that you are. And we’re going to make it even easier by allowing you to use those packages of chili powder mix, otherwise, the number of ingredients below would double, and who needs that, right?

You can even make this the day before your friends are coming over, which gives time for all the flavors to amalgamate. Here’s what you’ll need:

For preparing the Chili -

• 12 oz tomato paste
• 3 24oz cans red kidney beans (drained)
• 3 24oz cans Whole Tomatoes
• 2 packages of chili mix
• 1 Teaspoon of your favorite hot sauce
• 2 Teaspoons crushed hot pepper
• 3 Teaspoons salt
• 3 medium onions, chopped
• 1 pound ground beef
• 6 oz beer (1/2 can)

For Serving the Chili -

• 2 Medium Onion, chopped
• 1 Can sliced olives
• 2 Heads of Iceberg lettuce (not Hetta, Iceberg!)
• 2 Packages shredded Cheddar Cheese

Here’s what you do:
Grab a big ass pot and put in your ground beef, the three chopped onions, and start cooking, stirring occasionally. While that’s going on, grab a large bowl and put into it those three cans of tomatoes. Now, squeezing them in your hand, crush those tomatoes silly, but make sure they’re fully submerged in the liquid, or they’ll squirt all over the place like a…um…never mind.

Once the meat has cooked, and the onions are translucent, pour in the crushed tomatoes, tomato paste, chili mix, crushed hot pepper, hot sauce, and beer. Stir this around well, and then add the drained kidney beans. Stir, cover, and reduce heat to low, and let simmer, stirring occasionally, for about 30 minutes.

Now, here’s a different way to serve chili, which I found to work really well! Grab those heads of lettuce and shred them into strips, toss, and put into a big serving bowl. Then, grab three similar-sized serving bowls, and in each put your chopped onions, sliced olives, and cheddar cheese.

Tell your friends to grab a bowl, make a bed of shredded lettuce, upon which they’ll spoon the chili, and top with whatever they want: the onion, olives, or cheddar cheese; better yet, all three!

Serve along with a good guacamole and nacho chips, and you’ve got a party!