James McGreevey: Child Custody Battle Heats Up

Former New Jersey Gov. James McGreevey (you know, "I am a gay American") is having a rough time making a deal with ex-wife Dina Matos McGreevey over legal custody of their daughter. Unfortunately, when things get this hot, the lawyers take over, and walls go up, allegations are made, and it does not bode well for anyone involved (except for the lawyers, of course). Accusations are flying on both sides, which I am pretty sure can easily be explained by the accused party. However, allegations, sadly, always seem stronger than explanations.

As you recall, McGreevey's book "The Confession" was published last year. And the release of Dina Mato's new tell-all book about their marriage is right around the corner, and it does seem interesting that this is all heating up just before the release of her book (I don't know what it's called, maybe "The Concession"). Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against Matos, but she's suing for full legal and residential custody, which means if she wins, she calls all the shots. The more workable and fairer joint custody doesn't seem to be of interest to her, which is sad, because it would be much better for all sides, but more importantly, better for their young daughter.

This kind of divorce is occurring more frequently over the past decade, and may well continue to rise as more and more closeted gays who got married realize things are a bit safer then they were, that gays are becoming more accepted, and that we're hiding a very large part of who we are from our kids. More to the point, though, we realize that if we're trying to teach our children to be themselves, and not let anything hold them back in their growth as individuals, we have to set a strong example, and by remaining in that dark closet, we do a disservice to ourselves, but just as much, a disservice to our children.

(A divorced gay dad myself, though still very good friends with my children's mother, and whose partner is a divorced gay dad, I believe I can comment on this subject with a certain degree of impunity.)