Gay Humor: Queer Leprechan

A tall man is in the mens room using the facilities. A short guy, about knee high, comes in and pulls up a stool, and starts taking a pee too. The tall guy keeps looking over his shoulder. The little guy says, "What the hell are you looking at?" and the tall guy replies, "Well, for you being such a short little guy, you have an awfully big pecker on you!"

"Well," says the short guy, "Of course I do. I am a leprechaun, and I can have anything I wish for!"

"A leprechaun, you say? Does that mean you can give me any thing I wish for?!" asks the tall man.

"Well, yes, but I am a gay leprechaun, so I'll want a favor in return," says the short guy.

After thinking, the tall guy says, "Alright then. I want a million dollars, a brand new mansion, and 2 brand new Porsches!"

"Fine!" says the short guy, "its all yours! But first I want you to pull your pants down, bend over and grab your ankles!"

So, the guy does it, and the short guy climbs back up on the stool, and really gives it to him! The guy is just moaning. The short guy says, "So tell me, What is your name?" The tall guy moans, and stomping his feet, he says, "My name is Bruce....."

"Bruce? How old are you?" asks the short guy.

Stomping his feet even harder, he moans, "I'm 32!"

The short guy says, "Bruce? You're 32 and you still believe in Leprechauns?!"

Gay Genie

A gay guy was walking along the beach on Fire Island, you know, just in front of the Meat Rack, when he stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold, out popped a gay genie.

The Genie said, "Hey girlfriend, wassup?"

The amazed man asked if he got three wishes.

"Nope, just one...due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages, third-world countries, my new pumps pinching my big toes, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...what'll it be? The complete set of Tyson Cane videos? A copy of the Marilyn Monroe Happy Birthday Mr. President sequined dress in your size with matching shoes?"

The man shook his head 'no', and didn't hesitate. He said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."

The Genie looked at the map and shrieked, "Miss Thaaaaaang, I don't think so, not in this lifetime!! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."

The man thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man, you know, one that's considerate and fun, warm and affectionate, gorgeous, is well endowed, only wants sex from me, doesn't do drugs or drink too much, has a great job with a good income, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and tells me I always look fabulous, and is great in bed. That's what I wish for... the perfect guy to have as my lover."

The Genie let out a long sigh, clutched his hand to his heart and said, "Oh, Miss Thang...let me see that map again."

Gay Humor: Giving Head

A dumb, blond twink goes to the counter of a drug store and asked the clerk, "What can I do to get rid of my boyfriend's dandruff?"

"Simple," replied the clerk, "give him some Head & Shoulders."

The twink raised an eyebrow, "how do you give shoulders?"

Four Gay Sons

Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder and he's so successful that he gave a friend a new home - for free."

The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillacs."

The third man, not wanting to be outdone bragged, "My son is a stock broker and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio."

The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?" The fourth man replied, "Well, you know my son is gay, and although I'm not totally thrilled about it, his last three boyfriends gave him a house, two cars, and a stock portfolio."

Gay Bomb: Make the Enemy Play

You gotta hand it to those crazy guys within the US Military. It's now been proven that they had requested over 7 million dollars in research funding for a pheromone bomb that would make opposing forces turn gay and screw each other silly and, well, how to put this succinctly, thus opening themselves wide for US Forces penetration.

Pentagon officials on Friday confirmed to CBS station KPIX-TV in San Francisco that military leaders had considered, albeit for a short time, building the so-called gay bomb. This all came about when Edward Hammond of Berkeley's Sunshine Project, a group dedicated to routing waste in government spending, used the Freedom of Information Act to obtain a copy of the proposal from the Air Force's Wright Laboratory in Dayton, Ohio.

The proposal suggested, "One distasteful but completely non-lethal example would be strong aphrodisiacs, especially if the chemical also caused homosexual behavior," and suggested asking for $7.5 million to develop such a chemical weapon. Okay, did they really have to use the word "distasteful?"

Frankly, a "gay bomb" attack on an opposing force that included enough "friendly fire" on our own guys could end war forever!

Heaven's Gate: Gay as a Maypole

Okay, I don't want to belabor Jerry Farwell's death...oh, who are we kidding, of course I do! Well, it's always been my personal daydream that when folk like Jerry Farwell get to heaven, Saint Peter is, in fact, really Carson Kressley!

Farwell: Saint Peter, we finally meet! But, why are the gates closed, and why are you dressed like that!?
Kressley: Honey, those gates aren't opening for you until you change those clothes, I mean, get a fashion sense, sister.
Farwell: But, wait, I don't understand...
Kressley: Look, sweetie, all your life you persecuted the gays, and well, I'm gay and not exactly happy with you. I'd let you in, but I can't for your own good.
Farwell: My own good? What do you mean?
Kressley: Yep, hon, for your own good. You see, if you think I'm pissed at you, you should see Archangel Michael!

Queer Duck

A man walks up to his partner with a duck under his arm.
"See? This is the pig I've been fcuking."
"That's no pig, you stupid idiot, that's a duck," his partner tells him.
"I wasn't talking to you," says the guy with the duck.

How Many Gays?

Q: How many gays does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Five. One to change the lightbulb, and the other four to clap their hands saying "Fabulous!"